Day 20

When it rains, it pours. Most literally. The weather had been so nice and non-humid for days. But it poured last night, and today was very humid. Then this afternoon it started thundering. After about 30 minutes of that, it started pouring, then it started hailing one inch hail. It's been raining/pouring on and off since. The backyard is now flooded. Trees are down around town. My cousin's porch umbrella literally flew through the wall of their house into their kitchen. Luckily it missed her standing at the sink.

But the weather is appropriate for today. I didn't get dressed today and just stayed in my pj's all day.

1) I failed my exam. To retake the exam it will take hundreds of dollars that I don't have. We would've barely scraped by enough to pay for the wedding. And now with me not having a job there is no way everything will be affordable. There is talk of canceling the honeymoon...

2) Since I failed, I can't work. The big secret last week was that I got a job. I wasn't telling people because I knew it was dependent on my exam. Apparently they only filled 3 of the 4 positions, because they only liked three people. I was one of three. And now I fucked it all up.

3) My wedding invites were discontinued. After how long it took me to find them and now back to square one. I sat and moped around all day and I think I found new invites. Now I will have time to do that, since I won't have a job...

4) My uncle is stopping chemo. After a month of being on chemo and his cancer is still growing and spreading. The chemo makes him really sick. When there is no chance of getting better, why bother feeling shittier? I just hope he makes it to Christmas. I can't take another hit this year.

5) Not that anyone cares or wants to know.... I got my period. Yes I'm on the pill. This shit shouldn't happen. Just another wonderful thing to add to the list of today's shit.

Tomorrow is another day.

"Sometimes we're on a collision course, and we just don't know it. Whether it's by accident or by design, there's not a thing we can do about it." -The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

"Let go, Let God."

"Failure doesn't mean you are a failure...it just means you haven't succeeded yet." -Robert Schuller